Later, Tyler wrote—

Hello Jeannie,

Funny, I always thought of myself as a genie growing up. In my little genie outfit I could do anything with my powers.I Dream of Jeannie was another embarrassing moment I was going to remind you of. I try to remember everything. I have very active senses. That may be good, and that may be bad. The biggest memory problem I have, believe it or not, is names. Everything else, I pick up rather quickly.

Can you explain something? What do you mean by this? These are your words exactly, “I think I was embarrassed by something that you said. Yes, that’s what it was. I don’t mind feeling embarrassed because of something you say, but I can’t explain why except that I think that it is the way that you embarrass me.” What this sounds like to me is an answer to an essay question that I gave you, and you forgot to study this section of the course. So, you are trying to answer it by twisting your words around, sort of babbling out an answer. Believe me, I recognize this type of answer because I have done this many times in college. Are you trying to dodge a bullet here?

I understand the small ego, but big lats? So far reading down your e-mail I am pretty confused. Are you doing this on purpose? Are you trying to gain an advantage? Well, it’s not working!! Unlike Superman and kryptonite, I have no weaknesses. (Standing now with my legs spread slightly and fists on my waist, doing my best Superman pose.) This is why I don’t have to prove myself. I am not a mortal man. Nor do I fall into the category of the normal traits of a mortal man. I am SUPER MASTER TYLER!!!

Am I confusing you now? I’m not. Hmmmmmmmm. I’m confusing myself. (You'll have to excuse me—I just ate a large turkey dinner here at work, and I am not feeling myself.) Now I am starting to sound stupid. Foot in mouth!! No, I am not a spaz. Just bored today. Don’t feel like working! Short week, you know. Next week is the killer week.

Let’s answer some of your questions. How many blackbelts? Fifth dan in tae kwon do, fifth dan in tang soo do, fourth dan in hapkido, and unofficially a black belt in judo. We no longer test in judo, but I still know all the techniques.

How far could I throw you? Hmmmmmm. If you are asking for feet or yards, I couldn’t tell you. But, look at it this way. I can throw Pancho Jones (he was the big guy with us) at 230 pounds, easily. I figure you to be between 100 and 110 pounds. But I am not going to ask your weight because I now know never to ask a woman her age or weight. Someone reminded me of that last week. So based on that information, picture me throwing a rag doll, and that’s probably how far and easily I can throw you.

Would I let you pin me in a wrestling match? Hmmm, another difficult question. I guess it would depend on the position we were in. But in all fairness, I would give you greater odds in pinning me than me pinning you. Somewhere around 80/20. Honestly, it would be much more fun for me to be pinned by you.

I don’t believe I just wrote that. Backspace, backspace, backspace, etc. It’s not erasing. I guess it has to stay.

Well, I think I have answered all your questions this go around. What’s my score? I bet you are probably wondering why I have all this free time to keep e-mailing you. I have a good answer. It’s a short week and I don’t feel like working this week; last week I put in 55 hours because the auditors were out here and now I need a break; and the end of the month is not upon us yet. Hence all my free time.

Sincerely,

Master Tyler

P.S. I hope I am not bothering you, because if I am, just say so.

Of course he wasn’t bothering me. I looked forward to his e-mails, and there was no doubt that he looked forward to mine.